Sunday, January 20, 2013

There Is No Conflict Between What You Want & What The World Wants

There is a conversation in my men's circles around speaking your truth without shame or blame and asking for what you want.  I believe there is an innate desire in men to take care of the people around us, in our families, in our work, in our relationships and all around us.  We become care takers to the people that mean the most to us by being generous with our love, our money and all of our resources before we consider what it is that we want and actually put our desires out there as we are generously offering our love and assistance to others.  

What then happens when we don't speak our truth, our desires and what it is that we actually want for our own lives?  There are lots of possibility is that we stray from the people who mean the most to us because we get afraid of speaking our truth.  Fear kicks in and tells us we will never be able to get what we want even if we ask for it because of how past history played out.  Shame could kick in and tell us that what we want is so far out of the ordinary that the only response from others will be rejection.  We might look for our desires and needs to be met elsewhere in secrecy and in betrayal to the others whom trust us the most because we want to avoid the difficult task and facing into the mystery of what might happen after we speak our truth.

I stand in my own difficulty of speaking my truth and asking for what I want at times.  Especially in the face of losing BIG love...I honor the difficulty of stepping up to the plate to speak my truth.  If I speak my truth will you still be there for me or will you shame me for what I want?  Will you take on my truth as a criticism of yourself and get defensive, leaving me feeling unheard?  Will I be left alone and abandoned?  Will I continue to fear the potential damage which could result from living my life the way I want to by speaking my truth and what I want?  Will I continue to allow fear to rule the roost?

I will re-commit over and over again to speak my truth, without shame or blame, because what I want for myself and what the world wants...there is no conflict.  The only conflict is the story I create in my own mind which keeps me separated from the world and feeling alone...which keeps me from becoming the man I want to become...which keeps me from expressing and receiving the love that I already know is out there in me and for me.

You Cant Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones on GroovesharkAnd I saw her today at the reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
And she was practiced that the art of deception
I could tell by her blood-stained hands
Oh, you can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Embracing Change Through Loving Well

I want to start this off by dividing change into two categories.  First is the change that we put forth in our lives, consciously and willingly.  Secondly, there is the change that happens in which we do not take an active role in producing.  I love it when I want to change something in my life and it comes to fruition, like a job/career move or remodeling my home, but when I got laid off from a job or my roof starts leaking, putting change in action which I have not started in the forefront, I can (and do) get upset about it. 
The easy part of the conversation here is the desired change and the change we put into motion in our lives.  It can be so good and lovely and at the same time scary but we are in charge of it.  We only have to deal with ourselves and our own emotions.  How can we stay in this continual transformation process through all the emotions, positive and negative?  Having compassion for ourselves when the times get difficult is a key part of this personal change process.  Staying with the discomfort because the only way to the other side is "through".

Let's add the next element...relationship.  We love the people that are in our lives and want to support them in their journey on this planet.  Our lives revolve around relationship, we come together in relationship..familial, work, love, friendship and develop a desire to love and support the other in their own personal growth, which means change.  One of my teachers, Marc Gafni, defines love as 'The consistent commitment to the growth of the other through regular and spontaneous acts of giving".  How can we love the people in our lives when they are growing/changing and at the same time triggering something and threatening our egoistic self?  It can be a difficult situation when we feel the other person pull away from the way things are and desire something different in our relationship.  The story is changing, the path is rerouting and fear wants to move in.  

Where does this fear come from?  The fear shows up in both our personal desired changes and the changes that happen around us.  Ego annihilation is knocking at the doorstep and we forget how much we want to love these people in our life when they are changing the parameters of our relational agreements. How quickly we forget what the definition of love meant (as mentioned above) when our self protection mechanism is activated because our ego wants to keep us safe from the potential loss of our true self.  So we give in to protecting ourselves and forget our commitment to loving well.  My friend Carrie said it perfectly..."The core to growth is really facing the idea that something can some how be truth..our perfected natural true self will never be touched...its amazing to grow with that".  

I invite everyone to embrace of change in our personal lives and in our relationships, facing into the difficulty this change could bring.  The earth and the human race on this planet are constantly changing and the only real option is to encourage, support and surrender to it.  So face into your fear because you cannot lose the nature of your true self and, most importantly, remember your commitment to compassion and loving well!