Sunday, September 1, 2013

The Dance of Dominance/Submission and The "Switch"

It's been too long since I created the time to sit and write my thoughts out.  The last half a year has been an intense and incredible time.  During this time I've witnessed and created many a kinky scene and have learned a lot.  There has been lots of my own discomfort being at kink parties where there is alcohol/drug use, and witnessing people engage at a level which has been disturbing for me.   I find it important to be able to write about my thoughts with the intention to expose others who are playing in the BSDM/Kink scene to some other possibilities of engagement.

People love to play in the land of dominant and submission.  It's a conversation that has gone on as long as animals have been on the planet.  There is always a pack leader, alpha-male and the competition to be on the "top". We see this played out in the wolf pack, lion's pride and even in the primate species.  We, the human race, are also primates with an increased brain capacity which allow us to better relate to each other from a compassionate and loving place.  We are creating intentional power exchanges in our dominant/submission scenes and even in other environments where people are paying to submit to a Pro-Dom.

Most of us usually operate from a more submissive or a more dominant arena in our regular day to day lives, it's just a natural part of being human.  Some of us want to be told what to do and others want to be telling others what to do.  Using BDSM and creating a Dominance/Submission "scene" is an amazing opportunity for us to explore the opposing forces where we are not used to living in.  There are people out there that claim to be the dominant and others who claim to be the submissive in our relationships and do not "switch" to explore the other side.  I want to invite the importance for people to explore the opposite energy in which they would normally operate...especially the people who are taking a position in one way or the other.

Why might this be an important part of our evolution?  Am I really in control when I am in the dominant position?  Is it important to be able to give up control at certain times?  Is there really such a thing as being in control?

One of the biggest gifts we can give to our lovers is for them to witness our complete loss of control.  It happens during the ten second expression of our own orgasm, but where else can it happen to an even bigger extent?  Our conscious decision to let go of control will never happen if we continue to take and hold a hard, firm position and play the dominant role all the time in our kinky play which is why I want to invite everyone to explore being a "switch".

By being open to explore the less comfortable side in Dom/Sub play we are opening ourselves up to be diving into places in our lives we rarely, if ever, get to see.  We call this our shadow.  Resistance to giving up control or taking control can (and will) bring up old history and old stories in our lives which prevented us from embracing the opposing force in our lives.   This provides us an incredible opportunity for our own personal growth and developing compassion for the other because we are entering into uncomfortable and unfamiliar places where don't normally allow ourselves to go.

It's an amazing time we are all living in right now as we build more awareness in what we are choosing to do with one another and the planet.  Let's make sure we are all treating each other with compassion when we are playing in unfamiliar roles and witnessing someones discomfort by not taking it on personally and thinking there is something wrong.  Continue to grow and love each other well through playing the switch in our kinky play!!